If April showers bring May flowers, than what do May flowers bring?
*PILGRIMS*
(Get it? The Mayflower? They traveled on a ship called the “Mayflower” Bwahahahaha!)
TIME: 8:35 PM
PLACE: Kitchen
SUBJECT: Chalkboard
I might complain later, but right now?
I’ll take the rain if it means warmer weather and flowers.
Agent Cedric: Wait. You dropped your phony dog poo.
Blindman: What phony dog poo?
Top Secret, Paramount Pictures, 1984
TIME: 9:32 PM
PLACE: MonkeyBoy’s bedroom
SUBJECT: Fake Dog Poop on his pillow
I had to go to Target to buy some bleach for the laundry and while there I checked out the $1 area. They had some practical joke items including this Fake Dog Poop. I had to get it. I placed it on MB’s pillow and waited while he went into his room to go to bed. I hear him say “Oh my g-d!. Really…really? Mommmmm, one of the cat’s pooped on my pillow!” I walked over to his bed and said “Oh dear, that’s terrible. Here, let me clean it up for you.” Then I bent over and picked it up with my mouth. I heard him gasp as I did so (I wish I had a picture of his face when I did that - it had to be classic). When he found out that it was fake, he immediately wanted to put it on DQ’s pillow. She is at a school retreat this weekend and won’t be home until tomorrow afternoon – We can’t wait to see her reaction!
Q. What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?
A. Two points just like everybody else!
A really bad joke
TIME: 10:41 PM
PLACE: Home
SUBJECT: Schieich rabbit figure & basket
The Schleich animal figures are a favorite around here and if I happen to come across one in my thrifting/yard sale/estate sale browsing, they come home with me. I found this rabbit at a thrift store along with this tiny basket. I believe the duo set me back a whole quarter. This bunny looks like a rabbit we use to own many years ago by the name of Peter Rabbit. DramaQueen named him herself.
A catholic priest opened a tub of margarine and saw the face of Jesus. He showed it to his mate from Tibet. His mate said.....I can't believe it's not Buddha.
Bad joke
TIME: 6:10 PM
PLACE: Kitchen
SUBJECT: Butter spread
This is the carnage that my family does to a container of Shedd’s Spread Country Crock. Not only is it not butter, it’s not pretty.
“Why was Plymouth Rock so brave?
…Because it was a little boulder.”
A really bad joke
TIME: 10:01 PM
PLACE: Kitchen
SUBJECT: Rock turkey craft
At the brownie meeting tonight, I had the brownies make turkeys out of rocks, felt and of course, googly eyes. My prototype is in the left and StellaDella’s version is on the right. Her turkey has quite the long wattle and an insane amount of tail feathers. A quintessential SD artistic creation.
Two drunks were walking upgrade between the railroad tracks. One of them said, "This is is longest stairway I have ever been on." To this, the other replied, "It's not the stairs that bother me, it's the low banister."
Unknown
TIME: 7:02 PM
PLACE: Looking west between South 17th & South 18th Street
SUBJECT: Train tracks
I decided to walk from our house to my son’s Boy Scout parent meeting this evening. I need the exercise. As I crossed the tracks, I realized that I had never taken a photo of train tracks in the past 963 days of this project. So, I stopped and quickly took care of that deficiency.
What’s black and white and hot pink all over?
…A sun-burned zebra
Really bad joke
TIME: 9:16 PM
PLACE: Kitchen
SUBJECT: DramaQueen’s newly refurbished desk chair
Warning!: Don’t look at the photo too long, or you might go blind. I highly suggest that you fashion one of those eclipse viewers to view this post.
Wow. Florescent pink and zebra stripes. I’m having 80’s flashbacks just looking at this photo. Think Zubaz Pants. Just wow. *closes eyes and shakes head hard to clear image of those pants featured in that link from my head* Ok…way back when, my mom purchased this chair at an estate sale for a then 3 year-old DQ. Until this evening, it had the original white frame and faded pink velvet tufted upholstery. Now, thanks to the wonders of spray paint, new fabric, foam cushioning and an electric staple gun, DQ has the chair of her dreams. Here are before and after photos to help you better appreciate the transformation:
She loves it. It’s not my style, but then again, it’s not my chair.
“Why didn't the baby goose believe anything his father said?…He thought it was all papagander.”
Bad animal joke
”Why shouldn’t you tell jokes about cows?…Because nobody likes a cattle-tale.”
Even worse animal joke.
TIME: 2:01 and 2:10 PM
PLACE: Park
SUBJECT: A Canadian goose and a steer (I think)
The HH and I went out to lunch today at our favorite sushi place. Afterwards, we went for a little drive and stopped at a county park to see what there was to photograph. We found this goose by a pond with its companion, while the steer was in the wooden part of a field adjacent to the park road.
Guy #1: Do you need directions?
Guy #2: I'm all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override.
Guy #1: What's a GPS override?
Guy #2: My wife.
Joke, Unknown
TIME: 7:24 PM
PLACE: In the Jeep at US-50 intersection
SUBJECT: Garmin
We went to my sister’s for my niece’s birthday party this afternoon. Yes, we know how to get to my sister’s house, but I wanted to use our new Garmin to see how it works. It’s original calculation had us going a way we don’t normally go (major highways), so it had to recalculate a new route based upon our preferred drive. The same thing happened on our way home. After I took this picture, we went straight ahead at the intersection instead of turning right as the Garmin lady told us. Yeah, we’re rebels.
What did the salt say to the pepper?
”Season's Greetings!”
Joke, Unknown
TIME: 10:36 PM
PLACE: Living room
SUBJECT: Christmas salt & pepper shakers
I found these flirty cuties at the flea market in November. The vendor only charged me a dollar for the pair. Mrs. Salt happens to be a little paint-worn. I like to think it’s because she’s been having a fun time with Mr. Pepper.
“You know what they say about guys with big hands and big feet?…
…They wear big gloves and big shoes!”
Unknown
TIME: 4:13 PM
PLACE: Dining room
SUBJECT: Shoes
MonkeyBoy needed black shoes to wear with his band uniform for the Christmas concert this evening. He and I went to the shoe store to purchase said shoes. Can you believe that my 11-year old boy is wearing a men’s shoe size 9-1/2…his feet are larger than mine!
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx (American, comedian, 1890–1977)
TIME: 6:37 PM
PLACE: Living room
SUBJECT: Me
HH was out of town at a meeting so for supper tonight, I did the lazy mom thing and purchased fast food for the munchkins. Arby’s for DQ and MB and Wendy’s for SD. SD had a cheeseburger kid’s meal – the theme of the meal was “Unleash Your Family’s Talents”. The toy she received inside was these funny face glasses and some joke cards. Here’s an example of one of the jokes ~
”Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isabelle.
Isabelle who?
Isabelle broken?…I had to knock.”
*rimshot* Thank you, thank you! I’ll be here all week.
“What's the difference between a cat and a comma?…One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other a pause at the end of the its clause!”
Unknown
TIME: 7:58 PM
PLACE: My desk
SUBJECT: Jack’s paws
These are paws that, when they come across a glass of water, have to knock it over. Jack does enjoy watching the water as it flows off of the table or counter or wherever the glass was and drizzle to the floor. Many a piece of mail, homework paper, magazine and even the occasional public library book has been drenched by Jack’s actions. I remind the kids that they cannot leave glasses of liquid sitting about – they are all considered fair game to the cat.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say “banana”?
StellaDella’s favorite Knock-Knock joke
TIME: 7:34 PM
PLACE: The kitchen
SUBJECT: California Oranges & Mandarins
One of my favorite things about this time of year is oranges. I love, love the California Cuties Mandarins. I can eat a whole 5lb box all by myself. Today, a friend of HandsomeHusband gave him some oranges that he brought back from a recent visit to California. We had Chinese take out tonight and these were perfect for dessert.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question."
Unknown
TIME: 10:12 AM
PLACE: Rainbow Ranch Petting Zoo
SUBJECT: Buff Cochin chicken
One of the nice things about working part time is that I can volunteer as a parent helper on school field trips. SD had one today to the Rainbow Ranch Petting Zoo. 2 teachers, 6 adults, 21 kindergarteners and 23 first graders boarded the bus a little before 9am. 4 other adults followed in cars. It rained yesterday so we were prepared for a muddy farmyard. Luckily there was a break in the rain this morning while we were there. We saw rabbits, goats, swans, ducks, deer, horses, zebus, zebras, donkeys, miniature horses, an ostrich, an emu, sheep, llamas, a peacock and a cat. There was even a farm dog (a Great Pyrenees) named “Stella.” At the end we wandered through a corn maze. We were going to eat a picnic lunch in a local park, but after we re-boarded the bus it started raining heavily again, so we ended up going back to the school. The kids enjoyed themselves and behaved for the most part…a successful outing!
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk ?
An udder failure !
Unknown
TIME: 8:27 PM
PLACE: Kitchen table
SUBJECT: Bottles of milk
I had to go on a milk run tonight after taking MonkeyBoy to the batting cages again. I prefer buying our milk in glass bottles – it just tastes better and it is better for the enviornment – less plastic! I can remember when I was younger, we had a milkman come to our door every Saturday morning. Mr. Junker was his name. He would bring the milk into the kitchen and sometimes Mom would even buy us strawberry yogurt as a treat. Once, I spent the night at my paternal grandparent’s and the next morning there was Mr. Junker delivering milk to them as well…I thought that was pretty neat that Grandma C. and I had the same milkman. There is a dairy in St. Louis which offers home delivery, but I just can’t seem to get past the higher price it requries.
What did one raspberry say to the other raspberry?
"If you weren't so fresh we wouldn't be in this jam!"
Unknown
TIME: 8:22 PM
PLACE: The Backyard
SUBJECT: A ripe raspberry!
Well the raspberries are just beginning to come in now. There are about 4 or 5 of them that were totally ripe and after I took this picture, I ate them. They were pretty tasty!
